So Screwed
by sakiya
Summary: Naruto complains to his friends. meant to be hilarious, sorry if it is not, rated for swearing


There is a cozy little tavern, fit snuggly into the corner of a plaza in the far west side of Konahona village. It was partially destroyed during the Sound/Sand invasion but the only indication of this damage is a slight difference in wall and floor and ceiling color.

Kiba absentmindedly twirled a pool stick in his hand, waiting for Shino to decide on a move. The bug ninja circled the pool table, evaluating the number of hits he could make. Shikamaru muttered something about him taking too long and took a drag of his slowly disappearing cigarette. Kiba shifted around the table to avoid the smoke he blew out of his nose.

Chouji suddenly straightened off his lean on the pool table, "Anybody need beer?"

Kiba look down at his half full bottle, "No, man, I'm good for now."

A low banging sound rebated from the front of the tavern. Naruto and Sai stepped through the swinging door and made their way around the maze of tables to the back. Naruto's hair stood out dully against the dark undertone that lay everywhere.

Sai was wearing his normal outfit, but Naruto wasn't.

His orange jumpsuit had been replaced with normal dark blue pants and a long sleeve blue shirt. He looked rather worn out and his clothes were wrinkled.

"What ate you?" Kiba twisted his mouth.

Naruto didn't answer. He pulled a chair from a near by table and dropped into it.

"That," He started, "Woman is insane."

"That's what you get," Shikamaru grumbled, dropping his cigarette into the half-full ashtray and pulling another one from his pocket.

"Why? Why? Why does she have to have them?" Naruto groaned, hanging his head over the back of the chair.

"Have what?" Kiba asked, feeling a grin spread and a suppressed a snicker.

"Mood swings," Sai smiled, taking a sip of beer.

There was a very dramatic pause.

And then…

Shikamaru burst out laughing.

Everybody stared while the pineapple-haired ninja fought for breath. He kneeled over, clutching a stitch in his side and trying not burn himself with his cigarette. Kiba, Naruto, and Chouji shared identical looks of frozen shock. Shino was frozen over the pool table, pool stick posed for a hit, and his mouth open slightly. Sai just drank beer and looked between his bar-mates, seemingly surprised at their expressions.

Shikamaru eventually got a hold of himself. He hadn't stopped laughing, but at least it wasn't out of control anymore.

"That must be hell," he managed between bursts of laughter.

"It is!" Naruto wined, "And it's not funny!"

"Oh, yes, it is," Sai snickered.

Naruto shot him a distrusting look.

"She was violent in the first place, but now…" He trailed off, standing up.

Shino handed him the pool stick, and Naruto paced around the table.

"Between the weird cravings and random moods, man, you'd think she hated the kid and was taking it out on me," Naruto scanned the table, "Are we stripes?"

Shino nodded.

"What do you mean by weird cravings?" Chouji asked.

"Just plain weird," Naruto answered, "An example would be that last night, she made a sandwich. Wanna know what was on it?"

"Pickles, turkey, grape jam, barbeque sauce, mustard, anchovies, sliced peaches, and strawberries," He counted off on his fingers, mouth twisting into a grimace.

There was a round of 'ewes' circling around the pool table and even from people who weren't listening.

Kiba made a face like he was about to throw up.

"And the mood swings," Naruto groaned, aiming at a three ball and watching it spin toward to corner hole only to stop short. He passed the stick to Shikamaru.

"She destroyed my jumpsuit!" He complained.

"Why?"

"She got angry for some reason and took it out on my jumpsuit. She said that it was too bright or some shit. At this point, I'm just glad how much being pregnant is making her sleep," He drank half his beer.

Sai started cackling, "That kid is so screwed."

"I know, she's gonna be fucked up," Naruto groaned.

"Oh, great, just what we need," Shikamaru muttered, "Another insane woman."

"I know, I was hoping it would be a guy so I wouldn't have to deal with so much chick shit," Naruto sipped on his bottle, "I'm gonna have to neuter half the village when she turns sixteen."

"If she even makes it that far," Sai said in a sing-song voice.

Naruto shrugged, bobbing his head in agreement. Shikamaru handed the pool stick to Shino while he gathered all the balls to start a new game.

Naruto grinned suddenly and started giggling, "Man, I hope you guys don't have any sons."

Shino swung the pool stick over the table and cracked it into the side of Naruto's head.

"You're an idiot."

!#$&() \ )(&$#!

_**Hey**, take the poll I put up on my profile. I went to my favorite name sites and picked out a few I thought would be good for the kid, (although I'm still taking suggestions) and I intend to put up a new poll in about a week or so. I set it up so that you can pick up to three names that you like. I hope you enjoyed the filler story, I will be posting as soon as I can. _

_Sakiya_

_P.S. Reviews will be much appreciated, thank you for reading. _


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